Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
