I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
