I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
