Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
