Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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