I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
