I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
