im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
