can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
