woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
