remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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