Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
