Is it normal to miss your booty call?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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