you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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