So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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