So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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