If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
