he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
