A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
