Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
