I cannot find my penis.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you had me at cake vodka
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
