is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
