also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
its liver damage thursday
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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