Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.

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(678): View more from Georgia

in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm

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(270): View more from Kentucky

We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".

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(217): View more from Illinois

You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012

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(770): View more from Georgia

Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"

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(229): View more from Georgia

i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!

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