my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
