M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
