i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
