We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
