In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
