I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
