Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
