I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
