I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
