I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
