In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
