You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
