Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
