I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
