You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
