I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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