Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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