i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
