Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
