why didn't you poke me back
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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