Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
