can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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