I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
