If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
