you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How does it feel to date your dad?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need to align my fucking chakras
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