Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
