Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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