hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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