Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
