As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
