Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
