The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
